The enemy slinks in quietly, unassuming. Just a simple question, that’s exactly how he always starts. It was the same strategy in the garden, same strategy now. These questions induce feelings of doubt and bitterness, an attitude of entitlement, statements like…”its not fair…” and I come dangerously close to concluding that I am getting the short end of the deal. I begin to compare, and comparison is the cheese sitting on the trap that snaps shut as soon as you take the bait. The trap that ensnares you, makes you a slave; a slave to disdain, to contempt, to dissatisfaction. He, the enemy of my soul, of my family, of my peace crouches for the attack, I am almost right where he wants me, then a still small voice beckons…”pay attention”…I have been here before, I know where this road leads, straight down to the pit. It will lead me to be short tempered with my children, pick a fight with my husband, allow laziness to replace diligence and joy and I will lose. this. day. to anger and frustration.

I grab for my lifeline, Gratitude. Start to declare them, these blessings and gifts that really are sprinkled all over my life, layer upon layer, chant them as I go through the day, I frantically grab up my sword and shield and fight the only way I can. “Thank you for a washing machine that works”, bitterness banished. “Thank you for clothes to wash, we are warm and have more than we need”, greed vanquished. “Thank you for the ability and the support of a husband, to stay home with my children”, frustration disappears. “Thank you for a dog that is always, ALWAYS , happy to see me”, Joy returned. Thank you for food in my kitchen to eat, and the ability to make it”, motivation renewed. Thank you for seasons, and green leaves, and careless birds, and quick-tongued lizards” Wonder anew, and I don’t stop, I can’t stop..its how I fight. And slowly the lies and the darkness of bitterness, irritation, and anger slink back into the abyss where they came from and my heart reaches the light and my moment, maybe even my day, has been saved.

And I am reminded of the freedom I have been given in Christ to see all things from His perspective, a view of hope, security. I no longer have to only rely on what my physical eyes can see, no, I can chose to have His eyes. My feelings no longer get the final say in how I should act, because I have faith, and truth, both of which supersede and overwhelm and overcome any circumstance, that’s the best thing about Gods truth. It is true in all situations, despite my feelings, and in the midst of my confusion, and when given the reins this faith can overcome hopelessness, fear, anger, and pain. My active faith in His truth guides me into the presence of a Good God that invites me to see past the current circumstances and gaze into holy possibility.Possibility in the mundane, in the confusion, in the dreams not yet realized, possibility in the midst of injustice and loneliness, if only we had eyes to see, to look. A possibility that can only be experienced with an attitude of thankfulness!

breathe deep and be thankful -Ann Voskamp

Originally posted at “the-dance.org” June 2012
My son is learning to read. I am learning to live.🙂

He was sitting in my lap, focused and engaged….and completely out of breath. He does this thing while he is sounding out words on a page, with each sound there is more exhale and yet he doesn’t take a breath, in short, he doesn’t breathe. I remind him to stop and breathe and just look at the word. He does. He reads and then we turn the page. He does it again, doesn’t breathe. Its like all his mind power is spent on recognizing the letter, recalling the sound it makes, putting all the sounds together and finding the word. I can feel his body. It gets more and more tense as he gives it all he’s got. Oh my son, so intense. He is dedicated though and he does it over and over again. You can imagine after a short book how exhausted he is. After two books he is spent.

When you know how to read you forget how many steps there are to figuring out one little word. Most likely you don’t have to sound it out, you have it memorized, just at the sight of the word it is default to know what it says, and what that word means at the same time. It has been so interesting to me to go back and take him step by step, training him to either figure it out, or to just advise him to spend time memorizing a certain word. I know how to read, but I have found myself in a different situation that has required that I go back to the beginning and take it step by step. Learning to live out of Jesus’ life and His Spirit inside of me.

As a 28 year old I have habits that my choices have produced in me. Flesh patterns. I respond, think, believe, speak and act in many ways that are default. I don’t think about them. I am not talking about involuntary acts like breathing or my heart beating. I am talking about choices that I have made over and over again throughout my life that have become habit. Most of these “flesh patterns” have become a part of my every day life without me knowing it. To me they are normal. I have behaved or thought a certain way for so long that I have forgotten where they actually originated from, or why.

Most of my beliefs have been corrected; first of all my concept of God, the truth about how He sees me, and the truth about who I am as His child. I have spent time diagramming my “flesh patterns” (ways that I get my needs met apart from God), and I have been exposed to the truth concerning how deep they go. I have learned about my rights and how I need to let them go (there are so many!)and I have forgiven those I had been choosing not to forgive. I have surrendered to the love and grace of Jesus Christ like never before. With all of this knowledge the Lord has given me through my class at CFT and the Word I now find myself at a place that requires action, and spiritual breathing, and at times physical breathing, seems hard.

Jesus has been faithful to open my eyes to the error of my beliefs and my actions and he is taking me back to the beginning and teaching me how to live my life, every minute of it, in accordance to His will and in the center of His grace and love. Every default in my mind is being stopped, re-worked and then put into practice over and over again. I am trying to create new “defaults” Wow. It is so much easier to learn something right the first time instead of trying to re-learn it.🙂

So these days as my son sits in my lap and I teach him the basics of phonics and I encourage him as he breathlessly struggles through, I find myself sitting in the lap of my Father allowing Him to teach me the basics of spirit filled living. He constantly encourages me with truth, reminding me of who I am to Him. Just as my son takes each letter and discerns its sound and role in the word, my days are spent taking each thought captive and discerning if it is truth or lie and then allowing the Spirit within me teach me how to act according to His life and His will. I feel emotionally exhausted. My son spends 15 minutes max learning to read each day. He is 4 and that is all that can be expected of him. I on the other hand have the opportunity to learn and be taught every second of every day. There are days when it goes well, and other days when I just want Him to back off and give me a second to breath…but He loves me to much to allow that. He wants more for me. He wants my needs met in Him, He wants all of me, He wants me to be intimate with Him…

It can be overwhelming, but the Lord has equipped me. Equipped me with truth and love and grace, and as I yield my behavior my identity stays safe and sealed in Him. I am encouraged and excited every day as I experience the Spirit opening my eyes to the choices I have before me, and the beliefs I have going on inside of me. He is an attentive teacher. He never lets anything fall through the cracks, He knows this is an important lesson to learn.

Each time Jakob and I practice reading I have thought about addressing it more aggressively, this interesting and exhausting way my son sounds out words. But I know that it’s necessary to give yourself over to the process. I know how it feels to stretch yourself; mind, body and soul. Sometimes in the little mundane moments (or letters) you have to exert yourself and everything you have to do it right. You have to train yourself to do something new, or different, and at times it requires all of you.

I pray that my son becomes an excellent reader, for those of you that know me you know that it is one of my great passions.🙂 It is the first stepping stone into learning, working, and sharing with others. Just as the skill of reading will open up many doors for my son as he grows, so will the skill of listening to and yeilding to the Holy Spirit in my life. I want to be Spirit led in all things I do, I want His actions to be my actions, His thoughts, my thoughts and His words, my words. I want to let go of my rights entrusting myself into His heart, finding every need met in His arms, trusting Him to provide and protect.

I hope I will have the honor of teaching my son (and daughter) this way of living one day. Teaching them that this life is not meant to be lived based on how we feel, yet it is meant to be lived from the center of a wild, adventurous, always bigger than us, relationship with our creator. Who passionately loves us and wants us to experience this life, His life, abundantly!

Originally Posted at “the-dance.org” February 2012

I was cleaning up after breakfast. Sister was in her room; I could hear her talking to her horse, half singing, half talking. Little Man was alone in the living room with a transformer toy that had been rediscovered at the bottom of a toy bucket just this morning. My back was turned when I heard it, Optimus Prime flying across the room and Jake crying, or rather gritting his teeth and growling. I whirled around ready to jump all over him for throwing a toy, which is never ok in this house, but his pure, intense frustration stopped me. I calmly walked over, picked up the toy, brought it to him and asked him to calm down. He then melted into tears, exasperated. I saw an opportunity to teach him how to respond appropriately. I had no idea what was in store.

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling frustrated?”

“mmm hhmm”

After a minute and some further prodding he proceeded to share with me why he was so frustrated. He wanted the toy to do something it was incapable of doing. It wasn’t working the way he wanted it to, but he couldn’t accept that. Even as he tried to show me, his feelings escalated again to complete anger and frustration.

I searched, wondered…how do you explain to a 4 year old that this is not important, that this is so very insignificant? That this problem was absolutely not something to get so upset over?

And then the words…they exited my mouth at the same time they entered my heart.

“Buddy, this is how it was made to work, if you try to force it to do something else it is going to break”

He didn’t get it, but I did. This little lesson was never about, or for, this little man. It was for me. That simple phrase summed up in an instant what I have been missing for so long!

This little boy was born by an emergency c-section at 27 weeks. He was 1 pound 14 ounces and it was an incredible miracle that he, and I, survived. I should have known then that the urgent and intense way that he entered into this world was going to characterize his personhood. By the Grace of God he left the hospital after 55 days, coming home at a little over 3 pounds, having had a very uneventful hospital stay, almost unheard of for a baby of his size and lack of development. “he’s a fighter”, they said. The nurses and doctors were amazed at his energy and activity. He continually pulled his breathing and feeding tubes out, moved and wiggled so much that he wasn’t able to gain a lot of weight, and smiled. yes, smiled, a lot. I remember feeling overwhelmed and proud of my little man who was fighting so hard, I would whisper it to him over and over again as I sat next to his incubater, fighting for healing in my own body..”please, keep fighting. keep fighting”

He is still fighting. His battle has been with me. Despite all appearances I am an intense, emotional, sometimes very passionate person. I mask it to fit into socially acceptable ways, but when I know something to be true I am stubborn about it to the end. I also love to have control, over everything. The ways in which my son is similar to me, directly highlight and magnify the ways we are different. He pushes back, he challenges the boundaries, on everything. He wants to know why. He is strong willed, extremely detailed and intricate and knows exactly what he wants. These traits in him cause me daily unrest. As I try to control his actions and behaviors, in reality I also want to control how he thinks and feels. He lives wildly outside my comfort zone and just by being he usually causes me great frustration because he never does things the way I want them done, doesn’t move as quickly or slowly as he should (on foot or motorized toys), always requires more and more, and breaks everything.

Ann Voskamp had a recent blog on her website, (aholyexperience.com), where she was writing about her son leaving home and the fears that tend to grip a mothers heart with all the questioning, the things you miss and the “what ifs”. The entire blog was remarkable but the thing that stuck with me was this line: “Its true: One child can keep you in contractions for decades and it can hurt to breathe”.

Ironic, considering I have never experienced contractions, :0) but I can still appreciate the word picture. This boy and I spend our days wrestling, not in the physical sense. I breathe, rest, push…He pushes back harder. I change my position, my strategy, He flips and alludes me. I get impatient and frustrated, he renews his resolve not to move until he is ready. There is very little relief. For the last 4 years up until this morning I was sure I was just staying consistent and doing my best to mold him and guide him. The Holy Spirit decisively showed me through my own words what has actually been happening. This little man has been hand crafted, miraculously woven together and put into this family for a purpose. A purpose that doesn’t end in this home, and this family, but continues into this world. Although we are very similar there are great differences as well. Differences that I have directly tried to change. And thats not how he was made. He was not created to fill my space, do things my way, think, act or speak as I do. I can see our future if I continue in this pattern, and it is not an easy one.

The mantra that I speak to this son of mine over and over every day needs to become mine. “just relax”. It’s amazing the depth truth can get to. The way that its roots very purposefully find their way into the darkness. The fruit is always dependent on how effective the roots are. This truth to stop striving, rest in Grace, receive the love of God and view Him and myself correctly has started to dive into the depths of everything I have known and believed my entire life, and has started to overhaul it. Its glorious. God wants this fruit to start blooming in the area of my parenting.

I laughed out loud when I spoke those revealing words this morning. I physically heard them, then spiritually felt them. I sat there and watched my very deliberate son begin to play with the toy just as it was meant to be played with. He grasped its purpose and chose to appreciate it for exactly what it was. There was peace. I see the simplicity in the example, but as I dwell on it today I am overwhelmed by the many parallels that continue to be drawn from this episode with his toy this morning and my life as a mother. I won’t go into all of them now, for now I will just choose to view and appreciate my son for who and what he was created to be.🙂

I am humbled that the words that were meant to teach and guide my 4 year old were the words that actually taught me. I might be the parent, but I am also the student. Learning from my heavenly father and always learning from the precious gift that was given to me over 4 years ago. I don’t know where along the way I stopped rejoicing in his fighters spirit, but I pray that God would give me the Grace to see this boy through His eyes. To delight in his intense, detailed way of seeing the world, to accompany him through his passionate emotional ups and downs and to support him through the many already crazy and over-the-top goals and ideas. Even if I don’t understand them!🙂 I am filled with hope today, hope that one day I will be witness to the many things God has in store for this wild little man who is prepared for the great adventure he is meant to live, God just needs to continue to prepare me for it!🙂

Originally posted on “the-dance.org” January 2012

I have lived a half-life for 28 years. When I think of a “half-life” the first mental picture that I get is one of the 9 black hooded figures in the Lord of the Rings, the Nazgul. Although I can’t identify with their entire story, I can identify with what it feels like to not be dead, and yet not be living either. It’s a sad existence.

Let me back up. I gave my life to Jesus at a young age. I was raised in a home with parents who loved God, and did everything they could to show my sister and I what it meant to live a life for God. I was in church all my life. I sang every worship song, heard every story/scripture taught from the stage and went to a highschool that gave me tools to see the world from a christian, godly perspective. I attended a christian college, married a christian man and now I am doing my best to raise my children to know and love God. I am 28 years old. And I have lived this life blinded, and in the dark. This past december I started a journey that would end my half life.

I am a great student. I always have the right answer. I can make the grade. I also know what is acceptable behavior. So if I were to be asked if I am loved by God…I know the right answer is “yes”. Am I forgiven by God? yes. Did God die for my sins? yes. But up until a few weeks ago those answers did nothing to translate into my real life. Like many of us, I still felt guilty if I went a day without reading my bible. When I said I would pray for you I would feel a sense of guilt until I prayed for you, so that basically became a job and it made me tired. Going to church is something christians do, that made me tired. Raising my kids to respect, obey, listen, learn, explore, share, be kind, and understand that they are loved, exhausted me. I am aware every day that I am beyond blessed to have a loving, almost perfect husband,🙂 healthy children, who I have the ability to care for and stay at home with, but even so, I have not been getting it right. I have been tired. I have been bitter. I am frustrated because I feel like there is more and I am missing it. And because I am all these things my children suffer and I basically fall into bed each night knowing and thinking about everything I did wrong and what I could have done better but having no energy or motivation to do anything different. Seriously??? Thats a half life.

I was given the opportunity to go through a class called Advance Discipleship Training with Christian Families Today. They are a bible based, discipleship driven counseling center that is doing remarkable things. I was overjoyed. I was so excited and ready to start this journey. Because the truth is, these last three years have been so monotonous. So draining. Incredibly dull. I am a person who finds great beauty and rest in simplicity so for me to say that it was dull is shocking even to me. I was so dry inside, and felt the hopeless feeling day after day that there was nothing I could do to fix it on my own.

After committing to the training at Christian Families Today, I started reading Classic Christianity by Bob George. One of the required readings to be finished before the first class, and listening to a series by Bob Warren on Romans 1-8. To say that these two things have changed my life would be an understatement. Through these two resources, the Holy Spirit began preparing my heart through the scriptures for this year long class. I feel like I have become a Christian for the first time.

I hope through this blog to be able to adequately explain what the Lord is doing in my heart and life. I am overwhelmed by His love and His grace for me. He has opened my eyes to how He sees me, what He expects from me, or rather what He doesn’t expect from me, and what this thing called “abundant life” looks like.

I am a good student, so getting the right answer is easy, truly understanding and learning is different. I refuse to continue to get all the right answers, they have done NOTHING for me but give me a HALF-LIFE. I want to KNOW, and UNDERSTAND what grace looks like in the life of the believer, what living a life that is in Jesus, that is in GOD looks like.

The one thing I want to leave you with in this first blog is this…I am perfect. When I gave my life to the Lord my spirit was made perfect, Holy, Righteous. His GRACE covered me and no matter what I have done, do today or tomorrow I am seen by God as Holy and perfect. Blameless in His sight. My sins, past, present and future were forgiven. Taken care of on the day He sacrificed His life for me and the moment I believed, the moment His blood covered me, the work was done. Complete. DONE. And if you are a believer you are perfect too! For some of you this might be old news. and frankly, for me it was too…but it has come alive for me. I have been made, (past tense) perfect! PERFECT

Hebrews 10:14 “For by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy” NIV

…so for the rest of my days if I do nothing but bask in the love of my God for me, I am good. I. am. good. That might seem small, but for me it has been the doorway to my “abundant life”. I have been made perfect, and my behavior is being made holy, being sanctified. I am overwhelmed by that truth. I was the goal. His goal was to love me, know me, save me. the end.🙂

But the nature of true love is that it doesn’t end! When you get it, I mean really get it (understand it, comprehend its vastness, believe it)…you feel like you will burst if you don’t give it to everyone you come in contact with. I am not a means to an end, my salvation is not for someone else, God does not need my help in reaching everyone who is lost, but because I now understand where I stand with God and what He thinks when He sees me, it would be impossible for me not to tell everyone else where they stand with God, and if they are a believer then they are good. complete. perfect. They couldn’t be more pleasing to God….He started a good work in me, and he will be faithful to complete it, as I am drowned in this knowledge of his unconditional love I am driven and motivated, more so than ever before to chase after Him, and bring as many people with me as possible. So that He is able to do His good work in me, modifying my behavior to conform more to the likeness of His Son. He won’t just stop with my salvation. He will continue to mold me into the child of God that I was designed to be. But that is the Holy Spirits job…not mine. My job is to accept His love, rest in His grace and submit to His will in all my ways. the end.🙂

I think that is the best news I have heard, or rather, finally understood in 28 years!!! It truly is GOOD NEWS!!!

There is so much more I have learned, and will learn and I hope to use this blog to hash out what I am thinking about, what God is teaching me and how it is radically changing my life. To better understand it for myself. I want to be able to look back on these moments and see the Holy Spirit loving me and teaching me to REST in Him, in this life and in eternity.

He has given me permission to live this abundant life and started a fire in me that I have never felt before. My hope is that these thoughts will encourage others and that this blog can be a place where my family and friends, and anyone, can join me in this journey, as God transforms me, and reveals to me His truth and gives me the ability to see Him and myself accurately! My sincere prayer is that everyone who I meet, talk to, spend time with or reads this blog will be impacted by this amazing God. I pray that He begins to open all our eyes to the truth that has begun to set me free.

Remember, you are loved, cherished and perfect in the eyes of your Savior, rest in that…He promises to do everything else as you allow Jesus to live His joyful life through you!

I sat on my porch and watched both Hawks as they were carried by the wind. They soared over the trees and pasture, looping, dropping and rising, all while maintaining a position of rest. It was remarkably peaceful. They had surrendered to the whim of the wind, wings stretched wide they were unconcerned about the direction or altitude, they seemed to have no agenda. Just simply along for the ride, enjoying the scenery. I was captured by their beauty and grace and their willingness to go where the gusts took them. I have never wanted to be bird, but they made it look quite appealing.

Recently, I have realized that I am most comfortable with my planner open in front of me. I can spend an abnormal amount of time looking at where we have come and where we are going in the month. I love to see what is coming over the horizon. I love to mark off days completed, and review and plan days to come. There is a sense of control that I have when I write in those little boxes or compile grocery lists, to-do lists and any other sort of list I can think of. I love to plan. I learned early to only use pencil. To write in a planner with pen is a rookie mistake; so many things can change. When I use a pencil I tell myself that I am so flexible, that I am able to roll with the punches…I tell myself I am fully aware and prepared for things to change, and yet…when it comes time to use the eraser it is usually accompanied with much disappointment or frustration. I have since learned that using pencil is not an accurate measurement for my willingness to “roll with the punches.”

I am also your favorite co-pilot. I will use my navigation app most all the time, doesn’t matter which seat I am in.  I might know exactly where we are going, and how we are going to get there, but what if there is traffic (and if there is, how long will it last)? What if there is a road closure that we need to know about? I want to know what is coming up ahead and I love to track my progress. Time of arrival is my favorite feature, I know exactly when I will get somewhere, and I can adjust accordingly…amazing.  My husband thoroughly enjoys this about me, I am sure of it. While it is harmless to plan things, and perfectly acceptable to enjoy a good tracking system, (some might even say it is a wise practice), while I sat there and watched the magnificent hunters soar on the wind I seemed a world away from the picture of peace and surrender they were depicting.

Life doesn’t give us a roadmap. There is no feature for how long this trial will last. There is no app for avoiding tragedy. My nicely squared boxes hold little comfort when life spills out of those measured lines and makes a mess of my heart and mind. When anxiety creeps in, when fear corners us and when unexpected pain shocks us, staring at my penciled plans lends no wisdom or peace. Because at the end of the day “control” feels like a joke that just made you its punch line. All my plans, and lists, expectations and tracking feels strangely empty when I cling so tightly to them and they bring no relief.

I have recently been in, and will probably continue to be in, a season that has continually revealed how desperately out of control I actually am. It has brought with it the temptation to be stressed, overwhelmed, chaotic and overly sensitive. Some days I give in to the temptation believing the lie that I deserved more than what I was experiencing, and that is a dangerous place to be. “De-serve”, the latin preposition of “De” means “removal” or “separation”. The second we believe we “deserve” something, we effectively separate ourselves from an attitude to “serve”. Our focus shifts completely inward and we have no space or capacity to move outward. To live with an attitude of de-serving is to live a life without service, which leads to a lonely, bitter place.  The victim mentality snuck in, there were days I have lived with much self-pity and an indignation for a life that felt so completely insane.

Other days, though, other days I experienced a peace that was hard won, a peace that required a surrendering. I wish it was my default, this surrendering, but typically I desperately grab for any small area that I can assert authority over, assuring myself that gaining control will bring a sense of relief and peace, when all it does is taunt me deeper into a maze of confusion and despair, always staying one step ahead. Constantly grappling for control makes a companion of weariness and gives your emotions the position of navigator. And they have no idea where true north is.

God spoke to my heart while I studied the hawks. There is a sweetness in the surrendering. I long to rest and be renewed, to believe that all that I experience in this life has meaning and carries purpose. The hawks surrender to the currents of the wind, I surrender to the current of His love, and His love does not proceed on “a whim.” His love is sure, steadfast, steady. Mourning is turned to joy, weeping is turned to dancing, all that feels hopeless is transformed into possibility, the box on my calendar that holds the most smudged lines becomes the box that reveals the most Glory of the Lord. And instead of being burdened by the weight of disappointment and confusion, of plans discarded or unrealized, instead I behold the Glory of “the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of His understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless…those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

I will still pencil in my plans. But I am resolved to not let the peace that was won for me at the cross be dependent on whether or not I use my eraser. I chose to open my wings in surrender to the power, strength and incomprehensible love of an unsearchable God who makes it His great pleasure to take everything in this life and transform it for my good, and His Glory.

Beholding His Glory in the soaring,

Homeschooling is hard. And after a long two weeks it was clear that I wasn’t doing anything to make it easier, I was actually making it worse. After a long text message chain to a sympathetic sister in law, venting my feelings and frustrations, she yet again reminded me that there is no perfect solution. No perfect situation. Every form of education is going to have its pro’s and con’s, its high’s and low’s, its good days and bad days. I was getting tossed around in a storm of bad days without an anchor. So late one night while my husband slept soundly beside me, I yet again found myself wide awake anguishing about what is best. Because, at the end of the day, I promise you the best, our best, is what we all want for our kids. And then it just started, I grabbed my phone and started writing notes, my room all lit up from the glowing screen.

The enemy would love for me to believe that I am not, and can’t be, the best for my kids. Well, that is a big fat lie. The more accurate and absolute truth is that because of JESUS I am the best for my kids. Because of Jesus. His truth. He is an anchor for my soul, my mind, my will and my emotions…I needed to throw out the anchor. I needed to pick up the Sword of the Spirit, the truth, His word.

10 minutes later, I had My Homeschool Manifesto.

Manifesto: n. “a public declaration of intentions, opinions, objectives, or motives…”

This is my public declaration, I am declaring here in writing, and verbally, each morning I plan to partner with my son (and daughter) in his education. I will speak words of TRUTH over my heart and mind, words that remind me of what my goal is, and what it isn’t, words that point my head and heart towards the person of peace. These words will re-focus me when it gets chaotic, these words will refresh me when my creativity, my motivation and my desire dries up. These true words, that carry with them the power to change my thinking, thus transform me from the inside-out (Romans 12:2), will be my compass pointing to the Morning Star. When emotions swirl and rage, when thoughts run inhibited with no accountability, and when my actions start being dictated by these very emotions and thoughts, I will stop. I will declare. I will choose to believe that…

1. It is an HONOR and a PRIVILEGE to be afforded the opportunity to educate and teach my children. (Psalm 127:3)
2. Through Christ I can do ALL things. Being united with Jesus, I am equipped with all Love, all Joy, all Peace, all Patience, all Kindness, all Goodness, all Gentleness, all Faithfulness, and All Self-Control. (Phil 4:13; Ephesians 1:3; Gal 5:22)
3. My children’s actions, attitudes and words do not have the power or authority to determine my actions, attitudes or words. My joy, peace, and self-control are firmly established and founded on the consistent and never failing person of Jesus Christ. (Psalm 28:7; 2 Tim 1:7; Psalm 100:5)
4. My responsibility is to YIELD to the HOLY SPIRIT, and follow His leading in how to love, guide, teach and instruct. I am far from alone. (John 15:5; James 4:7)
5. My children’s mistakes, or mine, do not sentence them to destruction. Dealing in extremes is a strategy of the enemy to incite fear and panic. Do not deal in extremes. (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah 29:11)
6. My words have the power to build up, encourage and support…I will speak these words freely. They also have the power to tear down, discourage and demoralize them. You have a choice today to decide what words will come out of your mouth. Also, Tone of voice and body language matter and can communicate louder than words. (Deuteronomy 30:19 **Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might LIVE!**; Proverbs 18:21; James 3:1-12)
7. I am not just teaching math, spelling, grammar, etc I am teaching, and modeling, self-control, work ethic, dedication and curiosity. ( James 1:22-25)
8. There is only a battle if I make one, there is only a power struggle if I choose to struggle for power. My enemies are not my children, and even if they position themselves opposite my desires, I will always be on their side and in their corner. always. (Ephesians 6:12; Romans 8:31; Psalms 56:9-11; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
9. My goal for this day cannot be dependent on someONE or someTHING else. What is your goal for this day? Write it down. Desires can be dependent on someONE or someTHING else, when I don’t get or experience what I desire how am I going to respond? (Phil 4:19; Matt 6:33)
10. It is not my responsibility to make them successful or ensure their happiness. It is, however, my responsibility to use every opportunity and every situation to point them to the Heart of Christ, to speak the Truth of their Identity in Christ every day.(Duet 11:19)
    *He/She is God’s child (Ephesians 1:5; Romans 7:4)
    *He/She is loved unconditionally (Rom 8:39, Ephesians 5:1)
    *He/She is adequate (Phil 4:13)
    *He/She is God’s Workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)
    *He/She is victorious (Romans 8:37)

As a parent in general, it is easy to carry more than we should, believe we are responsible for more than we are, and often we let our children and their choices and decisions define us, or determine the course of our day. I am not defined by my children, my identity is found in Christ alone. It takes a lot of courage to surrender our goals and realign our responsibilities to match His, when so much is at stake…the lives of our children. But because the life of my child is at stake, my only aim as a parent is to experience Jesus in every moment, allowing His life to flow through me, and yielding to the Holy Spirit’s leading. When we do that, we will love well, discipline appropriately, guide and teach consistently and fully enjoy it. I don’t do this always, hence the homeschool manifesto.. 🙂 but its a good start…

Philippians 4:6, & 7 (NLT)

“Don’t worry about anything;

ANYTHING. period. not any one thing.

instead,

replace. take one action or thought away and replace it with something else.

pray about everything.

EVERYTHING. period. every little thing. you say…”even…(fill in the blank)” Yes, that. everything. all things.

Tell God what you need,

be honest. cry out. talk it out. ask, seek, entreat.

and

in addition to being honest, crying out, talking, asking and seeking

thank Him for all He has done.

remind yourself of the faithfulness, the power, the sovereignty, the promises fulfilled, the work that HE finished, the completeness of His salvation, the prayers heard. Glorify. Magnify. Exalt Him, and by default – the things of this world will grow strangely dim..

Then

because of a conscience choice you made to replace one action with another – then – something will happen

you will experience Gods peace,

this peace is already yours. it belongs to you. but just because you have it doesn’t mean you experience it for all its value and worth. this peace speaks of a tranquility, an exemption from havoc, security and safety, harmony.

which exceeds anything we can understand.

goes beyond, above, past, farther, and deeper than our minds can fathom, or hope, or desire…

His peace

not the kind the world can give, then take back based on circumstances or trials. His peace is forever, dependent only on Him, and He is constant and never changes.

will guard your hearts and minds

why do they need to be guarded? because I am incapable in and of myself to stay on guard against all things, at all times and in all circumstances. guarded against what?…fear, doubt, panic, frustration, anger, selfishness, contempt, judgments, insecurity, flesh… “letting your flesh control your mind leads to death” Romans 8:6a. so it needs to be guarded – to prevent the hostile invasion that is death, the kind that consumes and destroys.

as you live in Christ Jesus.”

Gods peace, as a whole, was a gift. (John 14:27) It is mine, and in order to experience this peace, (have these truths translate into each moment, each day) I have to choose to set my mind on things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, excellent, and worthy of praise. :0) This peace, the Person of Peace, is my desire and my hope. He is my shield, my strong tower, my guard.