Daily Grace

How to love difficult people.

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People. Wow, they can be tough. Do you know any difficult people? I am not talking dysfunctional, abusive or unhealthy, just difficult. Maybe the relationship is wearisome or challenging. Maybe you have to work a little harder at communicating because they think differently, approach the world from the opposite angle, or require more/ less.  We don’t understand each other and so we dig in our heels and make the relationship almost unbearable…and what if this person is someone you love deeply and can’t imagine your life without? A spouse, a parent, a best friend, or a child? Or someone you might be “stuck” with, a co-worker, boss?

I am sure some would say the same thing about me, shocking I know…but I can definitely fall into this “difficult” category myself.  The differences can be mind boggling sometimes, and I don’t even have words to even begin an attempt to bridge the chasm that separates us. While my mind experiences frustration, my heart is breaking. I pray. I cry, and I desperately fight against the temptation to deal in extremes. Satan bombards me with despairing thoughts, angry thoughts, apathetic thoughts and I might want to give up and yet in the same minute, I refuse to.

After my first cup of coffee today I walked over to get my bible, and beside it was a journal that has dates in it like 2005..?? Whoa. The leather is worn and the words are extensive. I picked it up and flipped through a few pages. I found an entry, not by accident but by divine appointment, in which I give an account of a sometimes difficult person and their extensive strengths. There, written in violet/pink ink I detail an encounter of the way I was blessed by them, the joy they brought me…the delight I felt watching them. It was a necessary and precious reminder. Jesus spoke to me about how this person was “on purpose” and certainly not a mistake. And that our being in relationship with one another wasn’t concerning to him.

“Art is not what you see, but what you make others see” -Edgar Degas, quoted by Ruth Simons in her beautiful book “Gracelaced”, she adds…”Art is an expression of what is most valuable to the one creating…you are {that person is} an expression that flows from what is most valuable to the creator.”

Please don’t miss this…the “difficult” person, no matter the reason, they are His art, an expression of what God values most. As are you. What a disarming, grace-filled thought. The way they think, their personality, their passions, what makes them laugh, how they want to spend their time, the questions they ask, the decisions they make…while not perfect and most likely mixed in with motives that are less than ideal…still, who they are and how they approach the world...they are art on display. Art created, designed and fashioned perfectly by God Himself, He has infused what he values most into them.

The fact that they are so incredibly different than you doesn’t mean one is right or wrong, just simply means that our God is an infinite creator. He has not put us at odds with one another, we do that to ourselves when we are unwilling to appreciate and assign worth to their thoughts, their ideas, their feelings and their process.

Today, I will choose to value and appreciate how everyone in my life is different than me. I will see them as Jesus sees them, I will value them as He does, and as I do, the frustrations will recede, and in their place I will usher in intentionality as I appreciate, and look for, all the many blessings they bring to my life. Instead of viewing them as “difficult” I will see them as cherished, treasured and invaluable to my life.  Capable of what I am not. After all, isn’t that how I want to be seen?

How will you appreciate the difficult important people in your life today??

Beholding His Glory in what HE values most,

Aubrie

When we come up short. 

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In the face of the impossible he dared to speak, to offer all that they had, while knowing it wasn’t enough. 

Jesus saw the amount of people and I imagine He smiled to himself; the dilemma they were about to encounter already had a solution ready to be revealed.  The crowds had followed Him, desperate to see His healing power continue. As they gathered, Jesus turned to His disciples and asked…”Where can we buy bread to feed all these people?”

He drew their attention to a problem, revealed a need. How often has God turned your eyes or your heart to a specific crisis, heartbreaking issue, or overwhelming desperation. The addicted. The hungry. The hopeless. The innocent who have no voice. Or maybe its closer to home, yet just as impossible. The heart of a husband that is hardened? The rebellion of a child that seems too far gone? The habit that continues to lord its power over your life? The dream that seems unreachable? The hurt that won’t subside?

What impossible situation is sitting before you today?

Phillip stated the obvious…”even if we worked for months, we wouldn’t have enough money to feed them!” With a bit of drama (worked for MONTHS..) he makes an observation…that even if we diligently worked towards this single goal with all that we had, we would still come up short. He spoke of their lack, he identified the gap, he highlighted their inability to even make a dent in this situation. Phillip was using his physical eyes to assess a spiritual problem. His perspective saw their apparent disadvantage, and didn’t take into account the miracle-working Jesus who asked the question.

I find that in my own life, all to often, I see myself and others through what I don’t possess. Why that won’t work. Why I can’t do it. It is easy to call out the faults in another person, or their apparent lack of skill, or to disqualify ourselves based on our shortcomings. But through this very well-known story God showed me the faith of Andrew.

“Then, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up. ‘There’s a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. But what good is that with this huge crowd?'”

He spoke up. He dared to be made a fool. He risked being mocked, and with great God inspired boldness he stepped out… then quickly undermined it. His assurance rapidly dissolved into doubt, his attempt at optimism and hope was smashed with the physical reality crashing in.  What they had was pitiful, it paled in comparison to the need, to the task at hand.

It was so meager that it could have easily been passed over, Andrew could have seen what they had available and he could have decided it wasn’t even worth offering. He could have kept silent. It could have been overlooked and neglected as invaluable, but instead he raised his voice and his offering, he just didn’t stay there long enough.

When God calls us to believe big, our challenge is to never second guess Him. I can be quick to step out in faith and if I am not intentional to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and His power, the feeling of inadequacy with shove me back into my comfort zone and I will rescind my “yes” and allow it to vaporize into a “nevermind”.

And yet, with that meager, seemingly insignificant contribution, both of food and of faith, (no matter how brief) he didn’t just speak of what they had, he displayed a deep, life changing belief in the multiplying, expanding, increasing, magnifying, broadening Jesus. And it was all that Jesus needed to act. Alone, the small basket, not even full of fish and bread was worthless in comparison to what they faced, but when offered, when laid at the feet of Jesus, their deficiency became their sufficiency. Their lack became their abundance. Their weakness became their strength. Their lack of sight became their vision.

Today, acknowledge what you DO have, lift it before Jesus and let Him magnify it. Watch for the miracle. Watch your influence expand, your love enlarge, your resources multiply, and your compassion deepen. More importantly…do this for someone else. Call out their strength, speak of what they do have, what they can do, and how they will be used, do not allow your perception of their lack to effect your belief in what your GOD can do in and through them. Who can you encourage today? Who needs you to see past their mistakes, their failures, their choices, or their personality…and deep down into their potential, their possibility??

Stop stating the obvious, or letting it limit God.

Rather, dare to speak boldly into the impossible, eagerly anticipating the multiplying-God to show up with more than just “possible”, but with twelve-baskets-of-leftover-food possible. 🙂

Beholding his Glory with you in the impossible.

 

I’m in your corner

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It had been a long day. The kind that by 9am you want a redo, but once you get to 2pm your mindset switches to survival-mode, “just make it through”. All of us collectively felt it. There had been harsh words said, impatience with shortcomings; and I had been the chief leading the charge into fleshly nastiness. When we choose to work in this role of “mother” relying on our own strength, it is our children who suffer the worst consequences.

My boy was carrying the weight of this day. And I was heavy with guilt.

Sometimes guilt can be an unbearable load, us mamma’s carry it all too often, and alone.

My perspective of the day felt as if everything was against me, I was forging head first into the fight without an army, it was just me, and I was losing. This young son of mine felt that way too, except in his experience I was the one blocking his every advance. My battle was not with him, it never is, but he didn’t know that, and at age 6 he can’t.

We were both drowning, desperate for a break in the storm, just a moment to catch our breath. On this day it would come in the form of surrender, and a reassuring truth. One that would soothe our weary hearts and bring restoration in the midst of chaos. He does that, works within our situation. Not always to change our situation, but to grab our attention and speak to us, while allowing us to stay within the ensuing confusion.

The moment was God-given and Spirit-led. I knelt down, looked into those blue eyes that had begun to cry in desperation and frustration and I said the first thing that came to mind, the only thing I wanted him to know in that moment.

“I am in your corner. I am on your team. We might not always agree, and we will disappoint one another, but you must always come back to one thing, the truth. I am for you.”

It calmed us both, gave us some clarity and we sat in that moment, on the kitchen floor, holding one another. I said my “I am sorry’s” asked for his forgiveness. Soaking in the warmth of his little hand on my back, feeling all his weight trust my arms, I was overwhelmed by that same truth being spoken to my spirit by my Sweet Savior. As I held my little man, Jesus held me.

This life can really make us believe that everything and everyone is against us, that we have to go it alone. When we believe that we are alone we are more defensive, we fight harder, defend whats ours more adamantly and refuse to give up. But what if there was power in our corner? What if love was on our team? What if the God of this world and your heart was for you? That changes things!

If my son can understand this truth (about me and his Savior) and believe it, despite what he might experience in this life and within our relationship, then he will have solid ground to return to, when life throws him a curveball, when our relationship hits a rocky patch, or he doesn’t understand what I am asking him to do or why, then he can always come back to one thing. I am for him and I have his back. In every season in life, through every mistake, and despite foolish choices, he is my son and I am on his team. I am wearing his jersey, I am his number one fan.

At the end of that day I humbled myself, got on my knees and thanked God for His grace and His forgiveness. He held my heart and lovingly told me that He was in my corner. He was for me and He was my number one fan. But the beauty of our Great God is that he doesn’t just cheer from the stands, I can experience His very life each and every day. His strength can be relied upon, His peace can be my own. He chose me before the foundations of this world, then sent His perfect Son to pay the penalty of my sin and adopted me into His family. Just so He could be in my corner, to give me the ability to experience victory; life abundantly, despite my experience on this earth!

As we face frustrations, disappointments, or injustice and although we don’t always understand His ways, or know His plan…there is an absolute truth your heart can always find refuge in; He loves you. Go back to that.

He is for you. He gave it all so that you and I could know that, and believe it!

How is pain shaping you?

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Pain has a way of changing us. How, and into what, is up to us. One thing we can be sure of in this life, pain in many forms will come. A relationship lost or broken, a dream unrealized, abuse, choices made or made for us…yes, pain carves and erodes and shapes like a river slowly etching away. Each of us experiences different forms of pain, and yet we can all relate to feeling the sting of injustice, or being alone, disappointed, angry, fearful, betrayed, and confused. We all have pain in common. What sets us apart from one another is what we choose to believe and do when we experience pain.

Joseph said it three times to them in the midst of his joy…”It was God”, “God has sent me ahead of you”, “It was God.” He was letting them off the hook, these brothers standing in front of him who were in desperate need. They were subject to his rule and authority, vulnerable and scared. He could have done anything to them, after all, he was second in command behind Pharaoh. Options included throwing them in jail, having them killed, torturing them, or leaving them to the mercy of the raging famine.  His brothers whose jealousy and insecurities had led to a special hatred of him, who sold him, which directly led to him being a slave, wrongfully accused, imprisoned and forgotten; stood helpless in front of him. And yet, we see Joseph free from all bitterness and anger, he welcomes, invites, makes a way for their families to live, and gives them the best of what he has to offer. HOW? WHY?

The temptation to blame and get deeply and intensely angry was ever present for years, I am sure. Nothing had been fair. And yet Joseph displays an eternal hope grounded in an unshakable belief that Gods plan for him, and for them, was bigger than his current circumstances or pain and could not be thwarted. Through every unthinkable event Joseph remains steadfast, consistently planting seeds of mercy, forgiveness and love in his heart, while uprooting the weeds of contempt, anger, and bitterness. No, the Word doesn’t spell this out, and yet I am confident that much can be discerned through his actions and words as he met his brothers face to face.

Our actions and words are only by-products of the beliefs we plant and nurture.

God has shown me multiple things from this part of Josephs story, found in Genesis chapter 45, that He has led me to apply and learn from. They have been a great encouragement to me and I hope they will be to you as well.

Surrender is always the road to lasting victory. How do you define victory? Being right? Getting your way? Demolishing your opponent? None of these bring life. The satisfaction is empty, the “winning” temporary. The worlds’ definition of victory leaves us desolate and barren, God’s definition of victory, through the path of surrender and forgiveness leads to life, joy and peace. Jesus, while depending on His Father, exemplified surrender, to the point of death. Death on a cross. He surrendered to the will of his Father, which led to victory over the grave, and because of that I was granted a life I did not deserve. Josephs life of surrender led to his families survival and life, to victory.

Forgiveness must be a way of life. He did not wallow. There was no self-pity. When he came face to face with his brothers he was harboring no vengeance or anger, he was free from all of that to love. He did not use His power to punish or harm, destroy or degrade, his position and power was given to save their lives. He was not a victim, through Christ he was an overcomer. His daily choice to forgive gave him the power to embrace, he wasn’t chained to any contempt or malice, instead his heart leapt with joy to see them and welcome them.

God’s bigger picture trumps my experience. Josephs ability to see God at work in all his suffering was the open door to experiencing all joy and grace and peace. It was always bigger than him. It was about people. Nations, even.

Christs’ love is wider, deeper, reaches farther, and does not have an expiration date. That person who hurt you? They are deeply and fiercely loved by God, just as you are. His heart is for them, and for you, and He is working on their behalf, and yours. They are not the enemy, God will forever pursue them and you with an earth-shattering, mountain-moving, miracle-working love. It is His great pleasure to invite you into the greatest adventure of wildly loving people who don’t act lovable.

I have been spiritually gifted and can operate in this gifting in every circumstance and situation. No situation or circumstance is too small or insignificant to warrant my excellence. Whether in a prison or pharaoh’s palace, at home or on stage, with my family or with strangers. God has gifted me in supernatural ways and without the chains of anger, bitterness or revenge I am free to experience His great power at work in me. Supernatural gifts yield supernatural results when I stop comparing my audience or work to someone else’s. Joseph operated in his gifting of leadership in every conceivable situation. What situations are you in now that you aren’t operating in your gifting simply because you are blinded by, or in bondage to unforgiveness, anger or bitterness?

There are a few places in my life where it is evident I have harbored hurt, and unresolved anger. There is a bondage I have experienced and this part of Josephs story has encouraged me to uproot the lies of the enemy and live in daily surrender, keeping guard of my heart. Because we will all face the crossroads that Joseph did, and when I do I want to behave in accordance with who I am, full of grace and mercy.

“Time grows the seeds that are planted, watered and fertilized. Plant beauty, grow beauty. Plant thorns, grow thorns. Time will allow for either”. – Lysa Terkeurst.

Beholding His Glory in the daily surrender,